“Grieving for the Living: Effects of Disownment in Adulthood” is a work in progress by authors Bridget R. Gaudette and Emma S. Phillips. Our stories, along with approximately 20 others will be recounted in the book. We’ve 
approached disownment from several angles including religious conversion, gender identity, interracial partnerships and sexual orientation just to name a few.
In addition, to demonstrate the need for such a book, we are conducting a large scale survey meant to assess the impact disownment has on mood and mental health. We will be assisted by individuals that have PhD’s in psychology and social work along with medical doctors and counselors.
Disownment is the formal act or condition of forcibly renouncing or no longer accepting one’s child as a member of one’s family or kin. We are pursuing knowledge in the hopes of helping others. We are confident that by conducting research about this population and publishing this work, people who are experiencing this alienation like ourselves will be able to find comfort in the knowledge that they are not alone. Further, the results we find with our research will aid in bringing attention to this issue, which is more prevalent than one might think.
The hope is that by publishing this work and researching disowned adults, we will be able to shed light on this issue and to help these individuals know that they are not alone.
Although it has become increasingly common, little research has been conducted on this issue, which leaves a gap in support and resources for those who have been abandoned by their families. We hope to change this.
Update: Nathan Phelps of Center for Inquiry- Calgary and estranged son of the controversial preacher Rev. Fred Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church has agreed to write the foreword for the book.
To donate: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1433423258/grieving-for-the-living
Thank you. I took your survey. It was a refreshing experience as I have put much or the ordeal out of my mind. I will investigate your work more fully soon.
Zinnia Jones is the reason I came across your work.
Good luck, and thanks again.
Thank you for participating Tim!
I wonder if your work will include shunning/disownment, etc in regard to other family members; not specifically limited to parents disowning adult children. For instance, my two adult daughters and their husbands have stated they cannot have relationship with me unless I repent of my unbelief and return to God. They still view me as their father, but do not include me in their lives.
For now, we are concentrating on parents/guardians disowning their children. If this is successful, I see us doing a second edition that will include other types.
Dave. This is exactly my issue too. My adult son and daughter have shunned me and use their children, (3) grandchildren as pawns. The reason is still very unclear to me. Maybe another book is in need Bridget.
I hope that this book will be helpful to all that have been disowned whether by children or parents. Still, I’m already writing the second edition in my head.
I wonder if you plan to include data and stories concerning rejection by other family members and not just exclusively children being rejected by parents. For example, my two grown daughters and their husbands have told me they cannot have relationship with me until/unless I repent of my unbelief and return to faith in God. They haven’t technically disowned me- as they still view me as their father; they simply do not include me in their lives.
My wife and I have a son that has intentionally decided that we are not worthy to have any type of relationship with him or his family. This includes not being able to see or hold our first grand-daughter who just turned 1 in January. His wife has told us to our faces that she hates us, and I cannot think of anytime in the last 7+ years that she has taken any time to actually know us. When we ask what are their issues, they both look at us like we have grown horns and just say “I cannot believe you don’t know!” So our family is split because we have 5 sons, and holidays have turned into the boys and their families getting together, and then maybe another get together with us and the 4 remaining boys. This has caused such heart ache. So the idea of abandonment goes both ways.
The abandonment does definitely go both ways. I’m so sorry for what has happened to you and as I said up above, I think a second edition with other types of disownment will need to be done.
Im very interested too..I have 2 sisters that dont want to have a relationship,(not even sure why)..would like to ..keep informed on any more research that is done.Thanks
Stay tuned. We are trying to raise money right now that we hope will make this website more interactive as well as the book. You’re not in this alone: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1433423258/grieving-for-the-living
oops please dont use my name
I have been abondoned by my mother eho has passed and accused of dispicable horrible things against a family member whom I loved dearly…been dragged through court for 8 yrs..ect
I’m so sorry to read that. I actually found that writing my story helped in an unexpected way.. others reached out and let me know that I’m not alone and they understand. It doesn’t solve the problem but I felt less lonely. We are still looking for others to tell their story. If you are interested, please send us a short synopsis: http://grievingfortheliving.com/survey/
Awsome mouch needed project … congrats and keep up the good work, both of you. Just remember that this very rejection is the source of your strength and success and it is proof that your Heavenly Father does not abandon his children.
Thanks for your support.
Is a living reality, I’m gioing through it with my husband. Family has done to us what you express in this web page. The worst part is when those family members Throw back at you Avoiding to accept what they have been doing to you.
Every story touches me and I wish there was a way to get our families to realize the hurt that rejection causes.
Awsome, “much” needed project … correction
I saw the news story on fox Orlando on Tuesday 3-5 -13. It struck a chord. I’m interested in the book and the survey.
I was not disowned by my parents, but rather by my grown children following divorce from their mother In 1994. Also my elder brother effectively disowned me after his conversion to the Jehovah witness religion about 40 years ago. Both have been devastating and I have known of no resource(s) to deal with the the loss and pain and grief of these events.
Look forward to hearing more about your work on the subject of grieving for the living.
Larry, I am sorry to hear of your loss – Bridget and I can certianly relate. Bridget especially since her family is of the Jehova’s Witness faith. We hope that this book will be a resource for you in the difficult times. Best wishes to you!
Took your survey Bridget I was listening to you on six screens I was also hurt very bad by the jws I was married to a jws Lady for eight years and after deciding I wasn’t going to convert I was shunned out of my marriage to a woman that I Loved very much…..she hasn’t talk to me in over three years now.
Hi-
I took the survey a couple weeks ago. I think this is an amazing project. Just wondered if you are still taking any personal stories from people or if that is complete now.
Thanks,
Kristi
We are still accepting personal stories! Please feel free to submit
“I pass your house and see you, inside, eating and laughing, without me. I can no longer join you because you believe I am dead. You grieve for me and I grieve for your grief. And finally, I remember how much I loved all of you, my family. How it felt to be part of a community. Picnics on Public Holidays, meals together, love and friendship. Arts & Crafts with Maureen & Rosemary. Hippie talk with Karen, Giggling with Josina, swimming with the girls, pancakes for breakfast with Dawn and Nevillie, holidays with Joey. A cuppa and chat with Marion and Colin, and Urferville, my home for so many years. Aunt Nat and my precious darlings, Sam, Rebecca, Renee and Tiana. And Julie. You finally bring my tears – oh how I miss you. I want to see you all grown up, see what you have become. You were my joy. I want to introduce you to my children, my life. But now I would bring you confusion and undermine your very foundations, because I am not dead. I left your congregation but I did not lose my spirit. I am not spiritually dead as you fear, and no, I am not coming back, As dearly as I would love to have back those good times we all shared, and how I wish I could knock on your door and find enough common ground for a relaxed conversation, at least… there are so few of you who could cope with that. My spirit has continued to grow, stronger and stronger, and you were all a part of that Journey. It hasn’t all been smooth sailing, but I gave up that life to be the person I am now, and was it worth it? Yes, but now 12 years later, I realize how much a part of that journey you were, and want to tell you how grateful I am and how much I loved you. I feel guilty for leaving, as if it betrays my gratitude. So I needed to write this letter, that you will never read… but I will send it to your hearts. My spirit is strong enough to communicate with you, still, because I am more alive than I have ever been. Please, do not grieve for me my friends. XXXOOO”
Hi, I’m looking forward to reading the book. I just want to know if there is a newsletter I can subscribe to so I don’t miss it when it is released. I can’t find one on the website here.
Hi Andrew,
We do not have a newsletter, but we will certainly keep everyone updated here, and possibly figure out how we could get a newsletter or notification together!
Thank you for your support and suggestion!
Emma